The Rules Nobody Told You: Understanding the Hidden Rules of Work

[: 00:00:00

[00:00:23] One of my favorite moments in coaching doesn't happen when someone has a breakthrough about themselves. It happens when they have a breakthrough about the system they're working in. They'll often stop mid-conversation, lean back in their chair and say, "Oh, now it makes sense." It's one of my favorite phrases to hear because in that moment nothing has actually changed. Their workplace hasn't changed. Their colleagues haven't changed. The decision they're frustrated by hasn't changed. What has changed is what they can see. They've stopped looking only at what's happening on the surface, and they've started to notice something underneath it, and once you see it, you can't unsee it.

[: 00:01:15

[00:01:43] Both of those conversations pointed to something bigger, something deeper. Today, I'd like to introduce an idea that I think explains why so many workplaces feel confusing. I want you to imagine standing beside a river. On the surface, everything seems obvious. You can see the water moving. You can follow its direction. You can watch it bend around rocks and trees as it continues downstream. But beneath the surface, there's another story. Underground streams feed the river long before the water reaches your feet. Tree roots spread through the soil, drawing nutrients from places you can't see. Fungi form vast underground networks connecting one tree to another, carrying water, nutrients, and chemical signals across an entire forest. Scientists sometimes call it the wood wide web.

[: 00:02:44

[00:03:11] They're all important, but they're only part of the picture. Underneath every organization is another system, one that isn't written into induction manuals, one that rarely appears in leadership textbooks. It's made up of relationships, trust, history, reputation, shared experiences, old alliances, unspoken expectations, conversations that happen in corridors, over coffee, in the car park, or a quick phone call in between meetings.

[: 00:03:45

[00:04:27] If you've been listening since seasons one and two, you'll know we've spent a lot of time exploring the landscape within ourselves, our archetypes, our patterns, our nervous systems, and how they shape the way we respond to the world. Those foundations still matter. In fact, they matter enormously. But today, I'd like us to lift our eyes because understanding yourself is only half the picture. The other half is learning to understand the ecosystem you're working within. Not just the organization you can see, but the underground river flowing beneath it. And once you begin to notice that river, work starts making a whole lot more sense.

[: 00:05:15

[00:05:36] The first story is about a promotion. A leader once said to me, "I just don't understand it." The person who'd been promoted wasn't the most experienced. They weren't the strongest technically. In fact, several people in the team quietly felt there were others who were better qualified. Almost immediately, the stories began. "They're playing favorites. It's all politics. They've overlooked the best person." Now, could that happen? Of course. Organizations aren't perfect. But as we explored the situation, another picture began to emerge. The person who'd been promoted had spent years building trust across the organization. They'd worked with multiple departments. People knew how they responded under pressure. They'd earned a reputation for bringing people together when projects became difficult. When senior leaders looked at that promotion, they weren't simply assessing technical capability. They were asking a much bigger question. Who can bring people with them?

[: 00:06:46

[00:08:00] And then there's a story I see over and over again. Someone without a particularly senior title becomes one of the most influential people in the organization. Perhaps it's an executive assistant, perhaps it's a project coordinator, perhaps it's someone who's been there for twenty years. When something important happens, people naturally gravitate towards them, not because they have authority, because they have perspective. They know the history, they understand the relationships. They know where previous attempts have succeeded and where they've quietly failed. They're trusted, and trust is one of the strongest currents in any organizational ecosystem.

[: 00:08:51

[00:09:33] So what exactly is this underground river? If it isn't job titles or reporting lines or formal authority, what are we actually looking at? I think of it as the ecology of an organization. Just as every natural ecosystem is shaped by countless interactions between plants, animals, water, soil, and climate, every organization is shaped by the interactions between people Some of these interactions are easy to see. Most are not.

[: 00:10:07

[00:10:48] Then there's history. Every organization has a memory. Sometimes it's written down, often it isn't. People remember restructures that failed. They remember projects that consumed enormous energy, but achieved very little. Leaders who promised one thing and delivered another. Teams that used to be in conflict. Successful collaborations that built lasting confidence. Even when no one talks about these experiences anymore, they continue shaping how people respond today. You might think you're presenting a brand new idea. Someone else is quietly remembering the last time the organization tried something similar. History is still flowing beneath the surface.

[: 00:11:36

[00:12:13] Another current is credibility. Not competence, but credibility. Competence is about doing what you're capable of doing. Credibility is about what other people believe you're capable of doing. Those aren't always the same thing, and that's why visibility matters, not because we want to become self-promotional, but because people can only draw on what they know. If your work is invisible, your credibility has less opportunity to grow.

[: 00:12:42

[00:13:22] The underground river reminds us that behavior never exists in isolation. It emerges from the conditions surrounding it. That's one of the most important ideas in ecology, and I believe it's one of the most important ideas in leadership as well. People don't exist separately from the systems they're part of, neither do organizations. Everything influences everything else, which means if we want to understand what's happening on the surface, we have to become curious about what's happening underneath. That's where the real learning begins.

[: 00:14:00

[00:14:44] One of the things I've learned over many years of coaching leaders is that behavior almost always makes sense once you understand the conditions surrounding it. The challenge is that we rarely see all of those conditions. We see one conversation, not the ten conversations that came before it. We see one decision, not the months of competing pressures that shaped it. We see one person's response, not the relationships, history, expectations, and responsibilities they're carrying into that moment.

[: 00:15:19

[00:16:01] The most effective leaders I've worked with aren't the ones who jump to conclusions the fastest. They're the ones who notice more. They notice patterns. They notice relationships. They notice who has influence without authority. They notice where energy is building and where it's draining away. They notice when a team has stopped trusting each other long before the performance numbers begin to fall.

[: 00:16:28

[00:17:29] That's what political intelligence really is. Not manipulating the ecosystem, understanding it, working with it, respecting that every action creates a ripple somewhere else in the system. Because once you start seeing organizations as living ecosystems, you stop trying to fight the river. You start learning how to read it.

[: 00:17:53

[00:18:29] Notice where trust seems to gather. Who do people naturally turn to when they need advice? Not because they have to, because they want to. Notice where information flows easily and where it slows down. Are there teams that naturally share ideas? Are there places where communication seems to stop? Notice where energy sits. Which conversations leave people energized? Which meetings seem to drain the room? Which projects seem to gather momentum almost effortlessly? And which ones always seem to struggle no matter how good the idea is? Notice the people who connect others. Every organization has them. The people who introduce colleagues who need to meet, the people who quietly resolve tensions before they become conflicts, the people who help ideas travel from one part of the organization to another. They may never appear on an organization chart as connectors, but every healthy ecosystem has them.

[: 00:19:40

[00:20:02] You might even keep a few notes during the week, not about individuals, but about patterns. What surprised you? What challenged an assumption you've been making? What suddenly made sense? Because here's what I think you'll discover. The more you observe, the less mysterious your organization becomes. You'll begin to understand why some ideas flourish while others don't, why some people become trusted so quickly, why change sometimes feels effortless, and sometimes it feels like pushing against the current. You'll stop seeing isolated events and start seeing the connected patterns. That's the beginning of political intelligence. Not becoming more calculating, becoming more aware. Because awareness creates choice, and choice is where influence begins.

[: 00:20:57

[00:21:23] Until then, I'd encourage you to download this episode's field guide. I've included some reflection questions and an observation activity to help you map your own organizational ecosystem. You'll find the link in the show notes.

[: 00:21:37

[00:22:11] Thanks for joining me on The Archetype Effect. If this episode sparked an insight, share it with a woman who leads or leave a review so more women can find these conversations. Until next time, lead with purpose and power that feels like you.